I Said What I Said : Why Enforcing Boundaries Makes People Mad

Stop over-explaining your "No". When you stand on business and start enforcing strict boundaries, people show their true colors. This episode of the All-In-One (AIO) Podcast breaks down exactly why people get reactive when they can no longer exploit your energy.

It has been a minute since our last post, but we are back and diving straight into the uncomfortable reality of personal growth. In this raw conversation, we unpack why saying "no" is a complete sentence that requires zero footnotes, qualifiers, or defensive explanations. If you’ve spent years operating as the perpetual "yes" person, shifting your dynamics will create immediate friction with the people around you. We address the exact psychology behind this shift, exploring how boundaries act as a filter to automatically separate those who are meant to be in your life for a season from those who belong in your future.

We also go completely against the grain of typical relationship advice by dismantling long-standing toxic clichés. We explain exactly why the phrases "happy wife, happy life" and "blood is thicker than water" are deeply flawed frameworks that breed resentment, entitlement, and a complete imbalance of power in modern partnerships. Furthermore, we look at the burnout of forced independent survival mode—why many women are pushed into their masculine energy out of pure necessity when protective, leading masculine energy is completely absent from their environment.

True alignment requires protectiveness, reciprocity, and a mutual focus on peace over chaos. When a relationship stops nurturing your growth and starts demanding your compromise, it stops being a partnership and simply becomes another bill. Learn how to reclaim your soft energy, stop participating in manufactured conflict, and confidently choose self-preservation without carrying false guilt.

Transcript

Keeping it 1000: "I Said What I Said"

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey. Welcome to All In One, ladies and gentlemen. This is the podcast where we keep it real. We keep it 100. And tonight, that's what it's all about. We're gonna keep it 1,000 on here tonight. This particular segment is called Said What I Said. So let's get to saying what we gotta say. Are you what you gotta say? What's on your mind? Let's talk about it. Not be my chest like King Kong.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

I think I wanna start off by saying, you know, there's something to be said about saying what you're saying and standing on business. I mean, I think I've gotten to a point where like I've I've always like said, like, this is what I want and this is what I want to do. And I haven't really had those boundaries up, you know, to make sure that, you know, I'm actually standing on business. I fold like all the time. I I just hold. I, you know, I'm like, oh, well, maybe, you know, but you know what? I'm in a new season and I'm gonna I I mean the things that I say and it's it's so funny to see the outcome of it. People get mad, people get real mad. What I'm starting to see. But you know what? I think that's good. Because when people don't like that you're changing the way that you used to be, that just tells you who is meant to be in your life and who is not. That is not supposed to be in my life because I do understand also that there's people that's in your life for a season and people don't need to be in your life forever. Some people are probably gonna be in your life forever, but hey, you never know. And it's okay if they don't need to be in your life forever. Saying what I said, and not just did that sound good enough, you know? Uh because I want people to understand that like my boundaries are my boundaries and now I am enforcing them. And again, like people have really been showing their true colors with me enforcing my boundaries. They're like, who in the world is this? I don't know them. And now they're changing, and they see it as um a negative, but really it's showing me that it was never I was appeasing to them because I was what they needed. And now that I'm not giving them what they need, now they're like, Why are you being this way? What's wrong with you? Why are you acting crazy or like you're not being responsible or you're not being here for me, and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, is it that I'm not being there for you, or are you just trying to be spoiled? Because you used to me saying yes. You're used to me saying I'm gonna be there. I legitimately um had a girlfriend come over to my uh house and we were just talking. She was like, you know, for the past few years, like I've known her for about four years. She's like, that I've known you. She's like, one thing I've noticed about you is you do too much. She was like, You are always the yes girl. Like, you say yes when you're tired. You literally go to every function, you go to every event, you're always supportive,

The Immediate Friction of New Boundaries

SPEAKER_03 3:15

you're always doing everything for everybody. And she's like, People are like upset now because you said no one time and they're not used to that. And so she was like, She was like, What you need to do, even if you want to do something, just say no, don't do it. And she said something that really stood out to me that she actually heard from her therapist, and she said that her therapist told her that even if you feel like you do have an excuse, don't give the excuse. Because then you're telling that person that you're feeling bad and that you're guilty and that it is your fault that you're not actually showing up. And I never thought about it like that because when there are times the only time that I say usually say no to someone is if I am like literally sick, like sick on my deathbed, kind of thing. And I always say, like, man, I can't do it. I'm running a fever, I don't feel good, I've been, you know, laying in bed all day. And that's me projecting this guilt, like it's my fault that I'm not going when the issue is just I I can't go. That's really the main thing. And it doesn't matter if you even can or cannot go. It's the fact that you're not going to go or you're not going to support or you're not going to move in the way that they want you to move. So I am practicing that. And now I'm just like, you know what? If I can't go or if I don't want to go, it doesn't even matter. Like, I'm just gonna say no, and that's just gonna be it. Because I don't wanna I don't want to be projecting this guilt if there is no real guilt. Like, it's not, I'm not obligated, you know. Now, if I of course purchase a ticket for something, you know, that's a little different. It's like, yeah, you purchased a ticket, do you really want to waste money, you know, because you've already pre-purchased something. But if I have no real commitment to something and I'm just like, oh, okay, yeah, that sounds fine. I think I can make that. If I change my mind, the day of, the hour of, the minute of, then that's just it. You know, it is what it is. I I I don't know. I just like, I just feel like this the way that I'm positioning myself now is putting me in a place where like now the only person that can make me feel guilty about something is me. I think that's important.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Couldn't agree with you more. Absolutely could not agree with you more. As far as look, as far as no, no is a complete sentence. I don't owe you anything past that. Hey, are you going to no? Well, why not? Just look at them like they fucking crazy and walk off. What the fuck? I don't owe you no answer. I owe nobody an answer for how I move, what I do, who I hang with, none of that. You know? So for me, it's like when it comes down to I said what I said, and I stand on business, when I say something to you, you might want to take heed to it because I done thought this shit through. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not just coming out the side of my neck and I'm not just saying something just to be saying it, trust and believe. If if especially if it's something that that requires a long-term plan. I'ma just leave it at that, right? Another thing is you can't put all your eggs in one basket. You can't depend on anybody, right? But you can definitely depend on self all day, every day. You can depend on yourself. If there's one per person that I know that I I'm not gonna let down ever again. Because I have to say that. Because I have let myself down in the past, but I would never do it again.

SPEAKER_03 6:49

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Like, just like you, it's like I refuse to put anyone's else's happiness above my own. So, with that being said, y'all got a couple statements that you know I'm gonna speak on today. I'm going to speak on, because it's a couple things, right? First thing is like that happy wife, happy life bullshit that's that some women be saying, right? In the essence, you are literally telling me if I am not happy, you cannot be happy. That's exactly what you're saying. Since when did my happiness get hinged on your happiness? We may not like the same things. That don't mean just because you want to do it, and we're married, don't mean I gotta do it either. I mean, as a partner, I would probably try to experience that thing with you. But if I tried it that one time and I don't like it, I don't give a fuck how many other times you want to go back. I'm not. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't owe you that. I mean, yes, you are my wife, you are my spouse, whatever the case, but I don't owe you my unhappiness. You know what I'm saying? That's something that I own that belongs to me. And if I decide that I want to be happy, then even if that means that in this particular moment in time, at this particular second, I can do something different than what you do. It's okay. We are individuals. That's just one thing, you know what I'm saying? Because it's like a lot of people buy into that. And it was like a whole lot of things. Uh me and a couple of my friends were talking about. It's like all these cliches, I'm I'm I'm burning through them today, right? So that whole uh blood is thicker than water bullshit. I was talking about that too. Blood makes you related, doesn't necessarily make you family, you know, because again, the strangers are people that you know for a very short period of time that go harder for you to make sure that you're okay than some of your own family members. So if blood is so thicker than water, why is it that it's only thick as water whenever you need me? But when I'm over here struggling, I don't see you, I don't

Why People React Radically to Your Growth

SPEAKER_00 8:45

hear from you, I don't do none of that. So I treat everybody in the same manner in which they treat me. You know what I'm saying? As far as dating goes, it's like uh I'm gonna save this one, but I'm gonna put a pen in it. But as far as treating people a certain way, treat me like a queen, treat me like this, treat me like that, I treat people in the manner in which you show me you wanna be treated. If you're acting like a queen, I'll treat you like a queen. She acting like a I'm gonna treat you like that too. So drop drop a pen right here. We're gonna flip back over. Holler back at me.

SPEAKER_03 9:16

Yeah, I mean, sticking to like relationships and and boundaries. I mean, gosh, I I even look at my, you know, situation myself where I'm like, for the first time in a long ex, like, no, you know, I'm not doing this anymore, and I've been playing this fiddle like back and forth, back and forth for years. I'm like, oh, I'm not dealing with this anymore. And then next thing you know, they're like, oh, I'm working on this and I'm doing better and I'm sorry, and blah, blah, blah. And all of a sudden, now they're just like, oh, okay, I'm gonna be better. And then they are better for how long? A day. Maybe a month, if I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt, if they make it that long. And then that ends up being like that uh that thing that's like enough for me to keep it moving until they obviously do something else. And then I'm just like, oh, I'm not doing this anymore. Why am I just I need consistency, but then I accept inconsistency. So it's just like I'm going back and forth with the same unsettlement that I started off with when all I had to do was hold on to my boundaries, and then I wouldn't be going through the stuff that I was going through. Knowing that about me, obviously, the last time, and it's so funny because uh people say you're you won't be done completely until you're sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. And unfortunately, that was my story. Being sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I said, you know what? No, not doing this anymore. This is my boundary, this is what I'm doing. I'm not allowing you to invade my space anymore. And now that I've done that and I've literally been like ignoring all of the BS and the drama and all of that stuff that they've been trying to put on me. It's like, like, who are you? Like, I don't even know who you are, like, you know, and now they're trying to like figure out how to navigate because they're not used to that type of behavior from me. And I have to say, man, it's been so freeing to get away from that. And it's just been like, I've been able to, you know, really like exhibit. I've been waiting to exhale, no pun intended. But yeah, it's like it's so crazy because even recently, this is this funny story. Recently, they reached out to me, called me back to back three times, called me back to back three times. I'm like, are they oh, I can't use that word. I'm sorry. Not like the thing returning. My mom said, my mom said, let me stop. Person is special, very special because the fact that you felt comfortable to contact me, not even just the first time, but a second time, and then a third time, and you're waiting on me to respond to you why, and then sending me text messages, and like just like what can we talk sometime about what? Nothing. We have nothing to discuss, we have nothing to talk about until our day comes. That's that's what we can talk about. We don't have anything else to talk about outside of that, and like honestly, it's like it's funny because I'm just like, I'm just vibing, I'm just chilling. I don't have to respond. You know, I can just sit back and just be like, let them soak in the fact that they like, why didn't they answer my phone call? Why aren't they responding to my text message? Well, dude, I mean, you you asked for this bed, you have to lie in it, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

Man, fuck your entitlements. Let me say.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

I said what I said. I said what I said. This is my zone right here. I'm like, I'm not doing this anymore, you know, and and then it's just another thing, like so much about like um where I've been learning. I'm not all the way there yet, but I'm learning about um feminine and masculine, like energy and being in your feminine and being in your masculine, and like realizing like even just looking at like my parents or this like other successful relationships, it's like you have these different roles that you're supposed to have in a relationship, and I'm I'm starting to really understand that how much I've been distorted from being in my feminine because of having to be in the masculine throughout an entire like decade of relationship because I did it the first time and then I did it the second time, and I'm just like if I'm growing from you know age of 18 all the way to you know

The Trap of Defensive Over-Explaining

SPEAKER_03 14:20

mid-30s being in my masculine, then how do I even know that I'm not in my feminine until I know? Like, because I literally just was like, oh, this is what I'm supposed to do, and this is how I'm supposed to live, and I'm supposed to take care of this, and I'm supposed to make sure, you know, bills are paid and houses done, and I'm supposed to make sure that like all these things are happening where I now have taken away from my my space of feminine. Like I can't feel protected or I can't feel safe because I have to provide that for myself, you know? I have to provide everything for myself, and so I don't really want to say it's like me having like a complete masculine role, but in a sense, that's kind of like what I've learned from my relationships. I just like I don't want to do it anymore. I just don't want to do it anymore.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

Let's pivot right here. Let's pivot right here because this right here is actually a great segment and a great conversation, right? So let's talk about it. What are masculine roles and what are feminine roles when it comes down to the household and being inside the house? Stand on your business right here. What is it that you feel like you should not have to do as a woman?

SPEAKER_03 15:34

I feel like I should not have to be the sole protector of my home. Um, I feel like I should have a sense of protection as well. I feel like my my feminine role is is like, you know, being able to nurture, being able to have some sort of rest, and not having to be able to be like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam all the time. Because I I can't really I mean, granted, I don't have children, but like just because I don't have children doesn't mean that I can't understand nurture. I know caring for someone or even something. Heck, I have all these animals, you know, that I have to care for and nurture or they will starve to death. You probably eat me because they don't let me.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Depends on how many days.

SPEAKER_03 16:33

Right, exactly. To like like just relax to a point that I know how to to be soft and not have to feel like I'm I have to be strong and like uh dominant, you know, in in all kinds of like uh situations. I don't have I don't have a moment where I can just be like and breathe. And even if I don't jump immediately into something to try like protect myself, someone else, like my partner, would be able to help me do that. You know, I've I find myself sometimes like um having I call it squirrel moment and so sometimes and sometimes I'll just be out, you know, and then like I have a squirrel at moment and I'm like look at that, like you know, and that's me really like getting into my my rest, my moment of rest. But then it puts me in a moment of danger because I'm not paying attention to my surroundings, you know. Having a partner that is more aware of certain things like that, I feel like keeps me in my feminine energy. But I mean, I'm I'm definitely not the type of woman that would be like, like what you said, like happy wife, happy life. Like I think that's ignorant. That's just my opinion. Don't beat me up, people. That is my opinion. Like, I really do feel like there's some sort of disconnect when you feel like you have to be, you know, or or your wife has to be happy in order for you to be happy. Because like you were saying, like, what if there's something that I need, you know, outside of this what you're providing that I can provide myself, or what if there's like, you know, for example, I mean, this is like a a silly example, but like, what if I'm a gamer, right? And I'm like, I love games, I like to play my games, whatever. It makes me happy. You know, and I say, hey, you want to play games with me? You play games, and you're like, I don't get it, I don't understand it. This is boring, I don't like this, whatever. It's like, okay, well, you know, maybe if there's another game that we can figure out that we like together, we could try that. But if you don't like a game, then okay, it's not a big deal. We just, this is the area where we know that we don't have a common ground on. We may have common ground on other areas. We may both like nature and like going camping and like, you know, we may both like serving and you know, doing community service, or we may both like there's other things to my point, and it doesn't have to just be a one-way track. Like we have to both be aligned on everything in order for us to be happy, you know. And again, you are in charge of your own happiness, you know. So if it if you are lacking happiness, then that's your responsibility, I think, to figure out what it is that makes you happy and and stand on that. That goes along with boundaries too, you know.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

And here's the thing though, you know, I I look at it like this right here, especially when couples that's been together for a very long time, especially if it's a marriage, they probably got married young, probably had kids together young, and they felt like they was just there with each other, might not have had nothing in common. And the older the kids get, the more you realize I don't really like your ass. You know what I'm saying? It's like, why am I still here? I don't like you. We ain't got nothing in common. A lot of people are afraid to say that. So I said it for you. Send them this video. I make sure to share.

SPEAKER_03 20:07

It's like a comment.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

It's just it's just that simple, right? So it's like a lot of times what I what I seen, we get into this power struggle around the house. Because it's like, well, it doesn't matter for me. It can be a relationship, it can be family, it can be friends. It's always the same thing. And it's like I'd say something, and then they look at me like I'm crazy because I said something that nobody else has either thought of or nobody else can it's comprehending at this particular moment in time. It's not making sense because you don't see the big picture. You only see some people can't see past their damn nose. Let's just say how it is, right? Some people cannot see any farther than this right here. And then it's like, but then you got other people who can actually strategically see what that's not gonna go well for you. I wouldn't do that if I was you. That's not just because I'm trying to project their fear onto you, but I'm gonna also give you the reason why I said that. You might want to think about this, this, this, and this. Because after this happened, you're gonna have to look at one of these two things. So it's like,

Dismantling the "Yes Person" Cycle

SPEAKER_00 21:10

hey, look. So anyway, so going forward, it's like, so then you got this power struggle because you always think you're right. You always think you're smarter than everybody else. So then there comes this back and forth tensions that I gotta put you in your place. Do you really? Yeah, or can you just accept the fact that what I said wasn't wrong? And even if you don't accept it as being true, you'll find out eventually, but even if you don't accept it as being true, that you have an option to go in the opposite direction. You don't have to take the advice. I'm not telling you you gotta do it. I'm just saying if I was you, this is what I would be looking at. So it's that power struggle between the household. And then it's like, what if the woman makes more money than the man? Then what who really has I don't even want to call it authority or control in the house, but it's like I'm just gonna say it women, money does not require. Place a man. It doesn't. It doesn't. Yes, it does make you independent, but there are certain things that physically you're not capable of doing. Just being real. Not trying to rage bait anybody or anything of that nature. It's just the fact that as a man, I realize there are certain things that I cannot do, that a woman is much more suitable at doing than I am. I can understand that I can learn certain things from my partner, but I can't do everything that you do. Right. Just like I know that you can't do everything that I can do.

SPEAKER_03 22:27

There's definitely a difference. Um I feel like sometimes a lot of women are forced into that masculine energy. Like I was speaking about before. Like I felt like for me, I was forced into it, you know, saying, like, I want to be soft. I want to feel like I'm in my feminine energy. I want to feel at peace, but then I'm hit with all these crazy situations. I have to lead because my partner doesn't know how to lead. I have to provide because my partner doesn't know how to carry everything. My partner doesn't know how to carry everything. And so it's almost like you're placed into this, like, it's sort of a masculine, I would say, role, but it's also like survival role. Because it's like you are forced into a pla a position where you have to actually do what it takes to survive because your partner is not in his masculine to allow that to even happen. Like, and some some men, unfortunately, they literally have no desire to do it. They have zero desire to do it. And even for a lot of women that make a lot of money, I've literally heard men say, you know, and I've read little prompts and stuff where men would be like, well, if my partner, you know, is making all this money, then I don't have to. Like, it's so crazy. And it's like, we're out of weird, I don't know. I really feel these the generations that are like mine going down, like are literally losing what it means to even have or not even just have, but be in that masculine role. Because I look at my father and I look at my uncles, and like I look at the men in that area, you know, and I almost feel like they're the last of the real masculine men. And it's unfortunate because now you have these men who are like, well, I don't have to be, you know, the masculine, which means they're teaching their children they don't have to be in the masculine. And then it just gonna keep the trickle, you know, uh, down effect. And it just makes more, dare I say, feminine men.

SPEAKER_00 24:46

I don't disagree with you. I do not disagree. I'm just saying, because it's like I was trying to find a story. That's what I was just looking up. So there was there was this woman, I want to say she was in Chicago, don't hold me to it, but basically, I saw the story on TikTok where her son was at some park and basically getting manhandled or whatever the case. He calls mom, moms come down to the park, and moms unloads the whole thing, air the whole thing's out, right? Moms get arrested. No bond. No bond. Something that your child is involved in. You just threw your whole life away for that very male that we just sit up here and talked about. So then the question becomes who's really to blame for it? Is it the father for not being there? Or is it the mother who is there and coddling and not allowing them, not making them get off their ass and do something. You know, as a part I I get it. I was a gamer when I was young. I haven't played in a while. I can still play Call of Duty, though. I still get on Call of Duty. But it's like if you're not making them do these things, I'm watching these videos and these punk ass males, excuse my language, but uh not really. I said what I fucking said. Fuck. These punk ass males on this damn, letting these women pump gas. They letting these women change tires. Yeah, I'm sitting here looking at that. They sitting on the passenger side. Okay, cool. It's her car. I get that. She I seen one video where she, this woman was crashing the fuck out because this dude was sitting on the passenger side. She like, you need to get over here and pump my gas. And he's like, I ain't finna pump nothing. Like, for real? You riding with her? Clearly, she she's taking care of you. She got she also stated that he didn't have no job, bro. What's wrong with y'all?

SPEAKER_03 26:27

A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fine. Also known as a buster.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

Like, what

Re-evaluating Tired Relationship Clichés

SPEAKER_00 26:35

the fuck? Bro, what the whole man, what is really going on to the point where men ain't being men no more.

SPEAKER_03 26:41

It's really weird because I um I feel like too that like a lot of women I feel like it's a lot of women feel like they it's in the matter because of like dating gang sucks. It is not that many people out there. It's it's really low right now. It's really low. And so it's like you end up with these people who just really are like, Well, that'll do. That'll do, donkey, that'll do. It is low. The dating pool, I think we s we what was that we said, pissed in a dating pool.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

Right, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 27:22

Because it sucks, you know? And so you have to figure out like what you're gonna deal with. I feel like you're settling with a lot of things. And if you don't, then you'll probably be, you know, lonely forever. So you have to decide like if this is what you want or uh what you're actually going to to deal with and not deal with. I mean, I personally have just gotten into a point where I've just like been done, completely done. And so um that's why I am where I am now. But I think um before it was just literally that. It was just like you settle because you feel like there's really not not much out there. And um it's scary getting older, you know, and like feeling like when is that time gonna come? You know, time is a factor for a lot of women too, especially if they want children, you know. I mean, it's even getting to a point where now a lot of women don't even want kids just because of that whole male lack of masculinity. Like a lot of women are like, I don't think I want kids, you know, because men aren't really being men. The world sucks too, so that's another thing. But um, those are like the two main things why a lot of women are saying like they don't want children, you know. For me, I just like I keep looking, like I said, I keep looking at my dad, you know, as like a role model for like a masculine man is supposed to be, you know, and it's like that is like what I feel like men should strive to be, you know, because again, like you just said, like men can do things that women can't, and women can do things that men can't. I mean, and these roles were made for a reason. It wasn't like, you know, these roles just like magically appeared. It's it's literally written in our DNA. Like literally. So, you know, and I think there's like this there's this a big disconnect as well, because it's like you can't also for a woman be like, I want to be in my feminine energy, but then you keep choosing situations where you have to be in your masculine energy, you know, you have to be a leader, fixer, hold everything together, provider, and protector, and make sure things are done. And like you keep choosing that, and that's that's exactly what's gonna happen, unfortunately. So it's really a matter of like not settling. Like you you just can't settle. Stay in your feminine, and the real masculine will come to you, you know? Like eventually.

SPEAKER_00 29:56

No, we won't.

unknown 29:57

I think eventually.

SPEAKER_03 29:58

It might take years.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

Listen, I am at peace. The one thing I'm not going to trade is peace for chaos. Not gonna happen.

unknown 30:06

I don't care.

SPEAKER_03 30:07

No, that's I'm not talking about the same person. I'm talking about a different one.

SPEAKER_00 30:11

Um I got you. But the thing but the thing is, is that it's this right here. I speak, I think I speak for my for myself and most guys like me, right? Meaning on that spectrum that you were just talking about where your father was and your, you know what I'm saying, your your people and your family. Right? The get men, the ones that's been fucked over. We're not out here looking for y'all. We're not out here looking for y'all because we don't got our heart broke, because we went all in thinking that you're gonna be the one, and then you turned out to be like everything else that's been advertised on the internet. You false advertised your ass off to me. Here I am giving you, I'm just I'm just telling you from experience, right? So now I'm sitting back and it's like, especially if a woman has children. I don't want to go too far into this right here, but I'm looking at it like this right here. If I'm sitting here at the house, I only gotta buy one motherfucking meal. That's it. I just gotta feed me. If I deal with you and your children, well now I gotta feed you and all your children, depending on how many you got. Every time we go somewhere, because you always looking at me to pay. You the man, you're supposed to do that. And if you're making it and you can do it, you know what I'm saying? At first it doesn't bother you. But after a while, you just became another bill to me. All right? You you really just came became another bill, and then you come in with attitude. And I can sit over here in solitude and be happy and save my money. I'm just being honest with you. This is the reason why I don't jump into that dating pool. Another reason, reason number two is that you find that one, that person, right? And she has, she takes a lot of the boxes off. She'll go give, got her own job, own car, all that. Good money. You know what I'm saying? But that's the one that wants to compete with you. She wants to compare. As opposed to building together, you want to make this shit a competition between us. I'm not trying to compete with you because I make good money. Drive a nice car, got property. You know what I'm saying? So everything you got, I got too. We should be able to take this stuff and be talking about eventually one day perhaps combining, or if not combining what we've had apart, because you'd be a fool if you did that, if you got married after you already own some shit and you put a name on it, but you stupid. I say it all right. But if you if you were to take and we built something together, we built, all right, I got a kingdom, you got a kingdom. All right, let's go build an empire. You know what I'm saying? Let's bring these two together and let's build in between these things. They don't want to do most of them, I can't say all of them, but the ones I've come across always want to compete. You always want to compete, and what I realize is that y'all say y'all

Why "Happy Wife, Happy Life" Breeds Resentment

SPEAKER_00 32:50

want that good man, you say you want that strong leader, and so you actually get that motherfucker standing in front of you, and then you realize that that weak ass game that you ran on everybody else don't work on him. It don't work on me. You don't know how to handle me. You used to you not get in your way and you blow up real quick, and oh boy, just switch flip the switch. You blow up at me, I stop and I look at you. I'm contemplating. That's what I'm gonna have to deal with for the rest of the time we together. Because you just told me a red flag. And now that you realize you don't know how to deal with me, I become the problem. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, I'm not dealing with that. And I'd rather be over here in my peace than to be trying to make somebody happy who eventually, and I know I sound bitter, but I'm really not. I still believe in love. Eventually it is fall, it'll it'll come across. But like I said, she's gonna basically have to fall in my fucking lap because I'm not out there looking for it right now. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_03 33:40

Well, that's what I mean by it'll eventually come. It's like, you know, what's I I feel like eventually like could be years, it could be months, it could be whatever. You know, it's just like you probably may eventually need that person at one point or another, you know. That's what I was just meaning by that, you know. Uh, I feel like too, it's a matter of growth and knowing exactly what it is that you desire, what you want settle, what you won't settle for, you know. You have to actually have that. And that's that's standing on business. That's saying what I say. Like I know exactly what I want. And if you cannot provide that, you know, if we're not in alignment and we're both not like in agreement with what we're wanting, then like that just means that we're not meant to be, you know, and it's okay. I think people feel like they have some kind of like obligation to another person just because they're with them is like, no, you're not obligated. I'm not obligated to stay with you. You're not obligated to stay with me. If things just aren't aligning, then guess what? Things just aren't aligning. You know, don't try to force something that is not meant to be. Don't try to force something that is causing chaos or that's not keeping you feminine and you're feminine and masculine and you're male, masculine, and you're masculine. Like, if you can't do that, you're not gonna make it.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

Say that shit. Just say it. Push it out. Say what you say, say what you gotta say. Just saying, alright.

SPEAKER_03 35:09

It's it's accountability, man. I'm just saying. But like you say, you want peace, like I want peace at the end of the day. I want to be, you know, I want to be empowered in my softness, and you want to be empowered in your strength. Let's do that. Let's help each other in our strengths and weaknesses and actually make some things happen. But if you feel like, oh man, you know, he's moving too slow, and you know, he's not getting things done the way that I want it done. And okay, well, then stay in your stay in your feminine and help your masculine man out. Like, don't sit there and be dogging him and like, oh, you're not strong enough. Okay, well, you don't need to be with this person. You need to just go, just go somewhere else, do what you're gonna do, really quit, whatever, because he doesn't need you, you know, and and at the end of the day, I feel like a man, in my opinion, a man doesn't absolutely need a woman. A man desires a woman and probably wants a woman. You know, it's more than feeling like like men women like to say, Oh, you need me. You need for what? To make a baby? I mean, because that's really, you know, the main thing that you can do, you know. Um, I mean, bringing peace into a man's life and actually having that man have peace, you know, I feel like men that really get that will actually go above and beyond for their woman. If they have real peace. I'm not talking about like just like we dangling that thing every day, shaking that thing. I'm just talking about that. I'm talking about like legitimate peace. Like he feels like he can, you know, not walk on eggshells. He can actually be vulnerable when he needs to with you, where he can't be with, you know, the boys, you know, where he can't be with his job, where he, you know, he's probably tired and he's working, overload, and the boss is on him, and he's got all these projects and all these things happening, and then he has to come home to you nagging.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

I'll take that one a step further. Don't let me just walk through the door from coming home from work, facing traffic and all that. And then as soon as I walk in, you nagging.

unknown 37:31

Right.

SPEAKER_00 37:31

Or ask or asking me to do something as soon as I walk in, it's like, ah damn, can I get five, ten minutes to just unwind?

SPEAKER_03 37:37

Yeah. It's it's that you need to have that peace. You need to have that, you need to be accountable for nurturing the relationship. You know, you're a lot of men don't naturally have that nurturing, you know. I feel like men are more teachers than nurturers because they can men can like show you how to do certain things, they can, you know, teach you how to change attire, they can teach you how to, you know, do finances or whatever the case may be. But like, as far as like being that real soft person or that real nurturing person, it's like not gonna be the softest, you know. So, and that's that's that's where I like that. Um I call it the a part of that 80-20 rule that Steve Harvey likes to talk about. I love that the the 80-20 rule. It's like when I'm at my 80 and I just need a little pep, you can be my 20. No, or if you, you know, if you are at 20, then I can be the 80 for you and like help build you up where it is in that area that you need to be, you know, uplifted. Because let's face it, it is tiring out there, especially in the work field. Like you have to be on top of everything. Like you, you, you know, you got your managers, you got the traffic, you got the car is acting up, you got maybe, I don't know, something broken in the house, and you know, you gotta be responsible for the warranties and whatever. All these the list of things,

Forced Masculine Energy vs. Natural Softness

SPEAKER_03 39:15

you know, that you feel that you have to be a provider and protector about. So you only want someone that's going to give you that softness and that peace and that nurturing aspect so that way you can be like, okay, at least I have this, you know, at least I have my peace and my calmness and my woman and the support of my woman, the rest of the world is giving me chaos.

SPEAKER_00 39:41

So the segment is called I Said What I Said. So I'm gonna say what I gotta say. And it's as simple as this right here. At this big age, we ain't doing no builder. Insert whatever you want to put in there, all right? At this, at this big age, you need to have your shit together. You really do. And if you don't, and I'm talking to the men right now, if you ain't got your shit together by the age of, we're gonna say 36. If you don't have your shit together by then, you need to reevaluate your life like dead ass. What did I do wrong? Why am I not where I thought I would be at this age? Or maybe you are exactly where you thought you would be. And if that is the case, ladies, leave that motherfucker alone. Leave him exactly where he is. He has peaked in high school. Fuck him. Kick him to the curve. He's not trying to do anything. If he's not trying to get better, don't stay with him. Why do y'all settle for men like that? That's what I never did understand. I've seen some of the baddest women settle for a dude that ain't shit. I can never understand that. It's like, what is it? Is the fast money? Or is it just the way that it's the toxic love, the part that you can control him? I mean, what is it? What is it? I mean, I'm just being honest.

SPEAKER_03 40:55

Can you can you feel me in on this one? It for me, like, I had to realize like I wasn't, I don't know, I wasn't like naturally in this way or in this situation. I feel like I was respond to what I actually have. Because it's funny, because I just had this conversation yesterday. Men, for some reason, think they are able to, how do I say this in a I'm just not saying it. They are able to lie a lot. Sometimes they have a lot of practice with lying and creating a story at the beginning. Because, you know, if you think about it, like, and this is this is exactly what I was saying yesterday. Like, there are there are women who are in like these relationships with these feminine men, they have lack of character, they are life abusers, whether it's physically, emotionally, mentally, whatever, all these different things, financially, you know, like all those areas. And they don't immediately show you that because if they immediately show you that, women are not gonna go for that. You have to play the role. You have to play like this is my position, you know, not unless you're just trying to hit it and quit it. Usually men like that, you you already know. Like you know that up front. It's it's no secret. A lot of men who are like that, they're at least, they're honest. They're honest up front. But um, if you're not honest and you're actually trying to go fishing, you know, because men are hunters. That's what they are. Men are hunters. And so because of that, you get this person. You have to play the role, you have to play the part. Just like any other being that comes into your life after some time, once they got you, they can be comfortable and they can relax. And with that comfortability and relaxation, that's when you figure out exactly who they really are, and that's when they become like these abusers. Thank you. So that's thank you. So that's when they become these abusers, they end up trapping the woman, and the woman has to be strong enough to be able to see these things, address these things, and get herself out. But a lot of times, because I don't like to call women weak, but women can be soft. And because they because of the ones that actually do desire, like a real love, a real relationship, and all these things like that, they just stick with it in hopes of okay, he apologized, okay, he said he's sorry, okay, he said he'll do better, okay, we'll do this, okay. We're we said this, he said that, like with no action, with zero action. And you're waiting and waiting and waiting until you have to be put in a position where you're like, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, you know. Like, even for me, like responding to the relationship that I was in and trying to figure out like what in the world have I gotten myself into. Like, once once I saw that, I I had to ask. Myself, am I going to keep living like this? Like, or am I going to stand on what I said? You know, and unfortunately, it took, you know, it took a while, it took years actually, for me to really, really stand on it because I made steps, but I kept regressing due to that nurturing part of me and wanting to build on something that I had been building on for years. Time is a factor too for a lot of women, I feel like. I feel I mean, first of all, women are natural hoarders. That's for one. Naturally possessive, that's for two. Women like want things and and and and like to have

The 80/20 Balance of True Alignment

SPEAKER_03 44:40

ownership of things and like to build on things, and they don't like to really just let things go. And I think relationships are no different. It's like, man, I've invested so much time and so much energy, and I've been like building this person up, and like I've been helping this person get all these different things like a like that build-a-bear. And this project of mine is my project. It reminds me of that movie. I don't know the name of it, but um, there's this movie um with uh Taraji, and like she was with her husband who kept wanting to build this like battery.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

The battery.

SPEAKER_03 45:24

Okay, so you know what movie I'm saying. And so he just kept talking about doing it and talking about doing it. He just would not get it done. And as soon as she's like, you know what? I'm done, had enough, I've been trying and trying. Soon as she finally gives up, then like he gets an opportunity where he actually becomes successful. And for her, it was like, I helped you develop this, I helped you do this, I invested into you and all these different things, and now you're giving it to somebody else. And it's like, girl, hold up, you know, that possessiveness, you know. And I think it ultimately boils down to just just really putting yourself in a position where you you have to you have to say no sometimes, you know, and not be so possessive and not want to hold on things that's not worth holding on to and understanding that if things turn around for the other person that you still don't want to go and revert back to that relationship. I mean, look at what happened to her at the end of the movie, you know. Was it worth it?

SPEAKER_00 46:41

I mean, he gave her 10 million though. He gave her 10 million.

SPEAKER_03 46:44

You're right, you're right. Because he didn't have to do that. He did not, he did not have to do that, you know. But sometimes it's not even that simple. Sometimes it it can be, you know, something worse, because it could be that person didn't provide or give you anything back, but you need to be okay with not being possessive and letting things go that are not good for you. If if you feel like this is hurting you and hindering you, no matter what the outcome is by losing this person, you need to be okay with that situation, you know? And I feel like a a lot of women just aren't. I mean, but then again, a lot of men aren't either. Some men are very possessive. And look at the, dare I say, the the how do I say it, the X factor of women and men going out, you know, because they're like, you know what? I can't have them, nobody can have them. That's how it's gonna be, you know.

SPEAKER_00 47:38

You just took the words right out of my mouth. It's like what I wanted to come in and say was like, your kindness does not make you a weakness. What makes you a weakness, what makes your weakness basically, is the fact that you keep giving your love to somebody else and not yourself. Stand your ground, stand your boundaries, right?

SPEAKER_02 47:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:58

But it's like, I just want to say this because if you are in an abusive relationship, I can understand if you feel like there's no way out and things of that nature, but if you actually can leave, do you got people that you can lean on, get out. Do not be loved to death. Don't end up on somebody's Yeah, don't do that. You know what I'm saying? Just like get out. Because if you keep staying because of the money or because of whatever little small thing that you are getting, you are weak.

unknown 48:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:27

You're weak and you're just riding on somebody else's coattail. Stand on your own two feet, take pride in yourself, say I can go do this.

SPEAKER_03 48:34

Right.

SPEAKER_00 48:35

And go do it.

SPEAKER_03 48:37

That sounds like fear.

SPEAKER_00 48:39

Right. Fear is a mug, ain't it?

SPEAKER_03 48:42

Yeah. I mean, fear, uh fear, uh fear is dangerous, you know. Fear can make you start thinking things, seeing things that probably aren't even there, you know. You have uh unrealistic fears, you know. Uh like my fear was, you know, I would say my fear was being alone. That was a big fear of mine, being alone. Like not being able to uh find someone else until I was just like, you know, I I realized like I have to be happy with myself. I gotta be happy by myself, you know, because then if I'm happy with myself and by myself, then like the next person that comes in my life, they just add. They can't take away because at the end I'll be okay, you know. That fear of losing someone, you know, and then not standing on, you know, um what you said, that's just why is that fear of conflict? Are you afraid that if you stand on business and you stand on what you said, that there's gonna be conflict? Because at the end of the day, guess what? There will be people not gonna like it. People are not gonna like it, and it's okay. So don't have that fear of conflict. You fear disallow the conflict to be because guess what? You don't have to participate in the conflict. Let them have conflict by themselves, okay.

SPEAKER_00 50:04

Walk away. You don't have to say a word, you don't owe them no explanation, man. Oh your feelings.

SPEAKER_03 50:12

Exactly. You know, there's nothing worse than losing yourself. You know, you can lose them, you know. If that's what it takes and that's what they need, okay. Hey, but don't lose yourself in the process, you know. Make yourself the priority, you know. Um, when you stand on what you said, saying, I said what I said, this is this is just how I feel. Oh explanation needed. Period point blank. Okay? Sign that on the dotted line. Everybody else can keep it moving. You can keep walking down that memory lane, you can have that conflict by yourself, you can have those issues by yourself, and I don't have to deal with it, you know, because at the end, it's it's my responsibility to care for myself, and it's my responsibility to care for my mental health, you know, and nobody else is gonna care for that. If they if it's up to someone else, they will bash you in the head with it.

Walk Away: Choosing Peace Over Manufactured Chaos

SPEAKER_03 51:10

They will try to make you feel bad for it. They will, you know, try to pull out their handy-dandy notebook to make notes on why you are doing what you're doing and how it's wrong. It's not benefiting them. Because remember, it has to benefit them, not you.

SPEAKER_00 51:26

You don't owe anybody an explanation for how you move, what you do, how what you say. You don't. Right. If they feel like you do, ask yourself this question. Why do they feel like they have that type of control over me that I owe them an answer or an explanation for something that I did? I don't owe you that. I don't owe you anything, to be honest. You know, and again, just you just gotta decide to choose self.

SPEAKER_03 51:53

Yeah. And not you don't even and I think one of the things with me too is that um I know that I'm a soft person. Like I I don't like conflict, but one of the things that I've kind of put, you know, I've kind of like separated. Like I can be like, I said what I said without being super disrespectful. I don't have to curse you out or anything like that. But what I will do is still say my tone, yeah, keep my tone versus my truth, and be like, I don't want your energy. So this is what it is. No, not doing that. Why you figure it out? You figure it out because it's not up to me to explain to you anything, you know. I'm not committed to you. You are not someone that, you know, I have to put first. I put myself first, you know. And if it's not something that I want to do or something that I'm empowered to do, then I don't have to do that. And I need to make my decision firm. And it's okay. You can people think you can't be kind and firm at the same time. They think like being firm means you're automatically mean. That's just they're feeling, they're projecting, first of all. So if I'm firm to you and I'm telling you that this is what it is, you just have to respect that. You don't, but that ain't got nothing to do with me.

SPEAKER_00 53:10

I'm feeling compelled to say, know your environment when you are standing when you are standing firm on how you feel. Understand your environment because if you know that the person that you're standing in front of, that you're being firm with, it's a short few fuse. Wait till you get to a safer distance before you light that fuse. You know what I'm saying? I'm just saying, I feel compelled to say that because if you know, if you know the individual and you know they have been known to snap off and go off the deep end, see red and black out, don't know what they're doing, or so they claim, stay away from while you say what you gotta say. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 53:49

Absolutely, absolutely. You I mean, I feel like um, you know, there there's just times where you have to, you know, definitely read the room. Um, you know, but I feel like as long as you are being yourself and understanding like because everything has everything obviously has a pro and a con. You know, every decision you make, every choice that you have, there's a pro and a con to it. There is a consequence, so have you. I always tell my kids, uh, kids, you know, there's consequences to everything. A consequence doesn't mean that it's bad. Consequences can be good. There could be a good reason that you just didn't do this event or whatever, or that you're saying no to participating in this, you know, whatever it will be. Those consequences are the consequences that you have chosen. And just be okay with that. Don't worry about what they're saying or what they're thinking or how because as long as you feel okay and confident with your decisions and really saying what you're saying, then in the end, the only person that you have to worry about is you. That's it. But yourself, worry about yourself.

SPEAKER_00 55:00

Get it done, Dave. You got anything else you want to add to this one?

SPEAKER_03 55:03

Say if you are not good with um standing on your boundaries and saying what you're saying and actually standing on it and meaning it, I would just say practice it. Practice it, you know, just practice saying no. Like I was saying at the beginning, like even if there's things that you really want to do, sometimes just just saying no to those things so you can at least see what it feels like, you know, to actually get yourself in a position to saying no. People inviting you to things, just say no. Even if it sounds like it's fun, just say no. If you want to, go by yourself. Don't go with them. Be like, oh yeah, that does sound like a good idea. That sounds like something fun, sounds like something interesting, but you don't have to go with that person. You can go by yourself. It's just practicing saying no, I think is uh, you know, important so that way you can uh stop having people so, you know, heavily relying on you. You know, that's that's something that I'm I'm looking at in even in myself, you know, it's just like, yeah, you gotta say no. I'm not gonna do everything. And I think I think that'll be healthy because people have a balance there because they'll be like, oh well, if if they say yeah, that's oh, that's cool. But if they say no, it's not a big shocker. I think when you say yes all the time and then all of a sudden you say no, it's a huge shock to them. And so that's when they start making you feel bad about your boundaries and you standing on what you believe in.

SPEAKER_00 56:30

That's when they start gaslighting. Say what I said.

SPEAKER_03 56:34

It's true. It's so true. That's so true. Gaslighting. Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_00 56:40

And I'm gonna make you feel bad about saying no to me. I'm

Practicing "No" & Final Wrap Up

SPEAKER_00 56:45

not.

SPEAKER_03 56:45

You saying no to me?

SPEAKER_00 56:47

Uh, yeah. Listen, all right, these are the things that I've heard from a couple different women. And my answer is always the same to them. Oh, I didn't realize I was so easy to walk away from. Well, now you know. I'm not finna sit up here and argue and fight with you. I'm not. So that clearly tells me something about certain mentalities, but we can go back into that later. But it's just like, if you feel like you are that important, what make you feel like you're that important to me?

SPEAKER_03 57:14

Absolutely. That's real. That's so real. Popo. Not poppo.

SPEAKER_00 57:23

Who the fuck is he? You know what I'm saying? I'm not it's just not. You're not that important to me. And I'm sorry, but I'm gonna let you know, you know what I'm saying? If you are, and you know what I'm saying, like we have this certain bond. There's a bond between us, but at the same time, there are also boundaries between us.

SPEAKER_03 57:41

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 57:42

Like, you're my partner, I got you. I got your back. You know what I'm saying? But at the same time, I need my space. It's not personal. I just need my space. I need my me time. And just say it however you gotta say it. But you know, tone makes a big difference in how we actually say deliver, how messages get received. Yeah. Tone makes a big difference. So, you know, I'm gonna leave it at that.

SPEAKER_03 58:04

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 58:05

All right, you ready to wrap up?

SPEAKER_02 58:07

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 58:07

It's been another episode of All In One. Hope you guys got something from this one here. You know what I'm saying? Make sure to check out some of the other videos that we do have. We also have uh other things going on, such as that uh the artistries web.

SPEAKER_03 58:21

Aria artistry.

SPEAKER_00 58:23

Aria artistry. I I just be wanting you to say it. You know that, right?

SPEAKER_03 58:27

I know, I know.

SPEAKER_00 58:29

Make sure you check out the websites, make sure you check out the links in the description that we have below. Everywhere. You know what I'm saying? Until next time, y'all. We're all in.